This morning, I walked the streets of Paris.
It’s Sunday, and everything is quiet. The complete opposite of my arrival yesterday when, pushed around from all sides, I found myself regretting my decision to come. I don’t like overcrowded places… but I like Paris. I have changed my mind again. The waiter from the café where I am sitting is friendly, and the view in front of me might be common for here, it is still so beautiful to me, with all this splendid architecture around. I enjoy this city and what it represents, despite the noise, the people and the dirt. All the contrary of my mountains…
Paris has always been a symbolic place for me, I’m not sure why. This city has a tendency to unblock some things in me. A year ago, when I came here, I confronted myself to repressed emotions, and I started an important process. By walking the empty and quiet streets of this Sunday morning, I was reminded of all of it, and I started thinking about Numan. After all, if everything had gone as planned, he would have come here to dance. I allowed myself to dream of the impossible to imagine seeing him on stage. Strangely, it didn’t make me sad this time, but it pushed me to think about my grief with compassion. I realize that it comes and goes by waves. I sometimes wonder if I don’t use his death as an excuse to stay sad. I am often sad, and I would like that to change. The world is so beautiful, and there is so much to do. I would like to do always more, and I see my sadness as an obstacle to this desire.
Even so, I am moving forward. Tuesday, I am about to meet with the editorial manager of the publishing house « Éditions Vérone » , who are going to publish my first book. This perspective confronts me to so much fear, so many insecurities… but it also encourages me to keep going on this way. It is a dream that I have been given the opportunity to make come true, and I can’t go back. I will go through with it, and whether it is a success or a failure, I will start again.
I have been wandering again. The after-Camino has been a bit difficult for me, as when one comes back to reality after a long dream, like a backlash, when the excitement comes down. In Switzerland, I have started again to go down a road that I have already refused many times, and in my confusion, I left to take some perspective once more. I am happy to have spent those last two weeks travelling, in Denmark and Poland. My friends have helped me remember what really matters to me. I needed it.
I am done living in fear. I have to hang on, keep working hard to accomplish what I really wish, and the rest will decide itself on its own. Actually, the process has already started. I have been chosen to participate in a very special project : We Are Travellers.
WAT is a group of people sharing the same ideals, who have found each other in order to create a TV show together. It has for ambition to unite several travelers from different countries around the world, and lead them on a journey through the Himalayan mountains, going through India, Nepal, Tibet and Bhutan. The participants will be filmed, so they can give provide a glimpse of the daily life of travellers, who don’t know each other and discover a new culture together. The experiment will therefore try to describe the adventure of living together and the difficulties of a simple but fulfilling life, meeting local populations and trying to make a contribution. Isn’t it exciting ?!
Personally, I have loved the idea straight away, of course, because it touches an important number of my values : WAT looks to use the immense power of media in order to inspire people and communicate positive messages, by reminding our common nature to all, whatever our nationality, our skin colour, our sexual orientation or our beliefs. Not only did it appear to me as a rare opportunity to explore a region of the world that I don’t know yet, but it also gives me a platform where I can express myself and be appreciated for what I am, without having to play a role. It is also an occasion for me to share a wonderful human experience and to be part of something bigger than me. We got on straight away with the organizers of the show…
And here I am, ready to embark on this new journey, as a writer. It is a fabulous chance, and I am happy to share this good news with you. 🙂
The future surely holds many surprises for me, but for now, I am appreciating my Sunday in Paris. A park, a smile, a conversation… all are small things that make happiness, not the perspectives of a future that may look auspicious for now, but is always uncertain. The last few weeks have been a reminder that there is no use in asking yourself too many questions when it comes to what’s next, if you forget to live. By writing these words, I am moving in the direction that I wish, and by being here, by putting one foot after the other, I am remembering that what matters is the way, and not the destination.
I really like Paris.
PS: None of the images I used in this post are mine, I have decided to leave my camera home 🙂