07.11.2015

“Today, I decide to let go. I refuse to continue to let my ego dictate how I should feel in the face of this or that situation. There are so many things I can do, so many things I can become. I will never let my demons stop me on this path again. There are so many more important things in my life than the few mistakes I have made and will continue to make. Some situations will never change. So why not, instead of going over it a thousand times in my head, just accept them as they are and move on? Why not. I have no control over external events, but I am the only one who can decide how I react to them. I have known this for a long time now, and yet I still let some things get to me, invade me, crawl to that part of me that is so fragile, that is so afraid of not being good enough, of being rejected again. But that will no longer be the case, from now on. I’m going to get over it, I’m going to forgive myself and let go. And it doesn’t matter if sometimes I take a few steps backwards; it will never erase all the ground covered. Whatever my ego tries to make me believe.

I won’t listen to it anymore.”

After all these adventures on Jeju Island, it’s time to go back to Jeju City, where we’ll spend another two days, just to go hiking on the mountain overlooking a volcano crater, before leaving for Busan.

The hike is long and climbs a lot. The path winds through the trees dressed in autumn colours, it’s so pretty that you don’t see time passing by.

Okay, once you get to the top, it’s a little disappointing, there’s so much fog that you can’t see anything at all… The crater will be for another time!

Barely enough time to rest from this long walk that we already have to leave the next day. We’re going to the ferry terminal to take a night ferry for Busan. Bad news: they deleted this line…. Ouch. There are several options now available to us, including taking a plane (which would have been the cheapest and much faster option) but with everything I am learning about the environment, I promised myself that I would avoid flying every time I had the opportunity. Luke shares my opinions on this, so we resolve to take a ferry to Mokpo again and take a bus from there. We will have to wait all day at the port, then spend another night in Mokpo, and spend another day on a bus; it’s almost two days lost, but nevermind! These are the hazards of travel, and you have to deal with them.

We still end up arriving in Busan, and a few subway changes later, we get to Popcorn hostel, where I will spend several weeks. I plan to work there for some time, while Luke will take another boat to Japan. We thus take advantage of our very last days together to visit a very small part of Busan, mainly the memorial park for United Nations soldiers who died in the Korean War.

And the port from which Luke will take his ferry.

Because Busan is big! I am soon going to realise this when Luke leaves, after researching further the choices that present themselves to me. But I will have at least three weeks to explore.

My work at Popcorn hostel will consist of cleaning rooms and bathrooms, as well as common areas. Depending on the number of people leaving the premises, I have 1 to 3 hours of work per day, so it’s very reasonable. The work is not exciting, that’s for sure, especially during the first few days… I am a little down, and I feel lonely; Luke’s departure, sad news in the family, and then there are these attacks in Paris…

Also, the only person who works with me is a quite older woman who thinks she is invested with great power because she has been there for a few weeks now, and treats me like her employee when she has exactly the same status as me. She irritates me so much! But I’m handling it as best I can.

12.11

“How noisy and crowded is a subway. It keeps me from thinking clearly, it makes me anxious. I’m not in the best of states yet. A few days ago, a member of my family passed away. The funeral is today. It hurts a little to not be with my family in these difficult times, but it doesn’t stop me from sending them all my love. A death is always painful, whatever the circumstances. It is a reminder, too, that everything is ephemeral, that life is too short, that we must enjoy it every second before it escapes us. Yes, enjoying being alive: I think that’s the best way to pay tribute to my uncle.
And then, Luke left yesterday for Japan and, after having travelled more than a month with him, I am rediscovering the sensations of solo travel. It’s a weird timing, there’s a big void. But everything will be fine, I have all the resources I need to face the rest. For now, I’m going to slow down a little, I’m going to work in my hostel for a few weeks. Then we’ll see. One day at a time.”